Confessions of a Mormon Mom

I am a pretty good person. I am honest, I don’t speed, and I follow 99.9% of the rules society has established. I wish I could say I don’t swear, but every once and a while I have to let one slip so people won‘t think I’m perfect.

This brings me to the reason why I am writing this post. Last Wednesday, I took something that didn’t belong to me. What makes it even worse, I did it on the grounds of the St. George Temple. To top that off, I did it in front of my son.

Here is my confession:

We made a quick little stop in St. George on Wednesday. We went over to the Temple and spent about an hour there. I nursed Clara while Steve and Thomas walked around the grounds. After I had finished exposing my boob, we were all sitting in a little courtyard talking. About 10 feet away from us we saw a silver and red can on the ground. Steve said to Thomas, “Go over and get that can, we need to make sure we leave the Temple grounds cleaner than we found them.” Thomas was more than willing to obey. He ran over and picked up the bottle and started for the trash. He was walking toward us when I noticed that it wasn’t a soda can, it was a bottle of CHI Silk Infusion. I asked him to hand it to me and he did. Wouldn’t you know, it was practically new.
Me: Holy crap, this thing is full!
Steve: You’re not going to take it, are you?
Me: Why not? We were going to throw it away.

We all started to walk out the gate and Thomas about had a melt down.

Thomas: Mom, you have to throw that away!
Me: It’s okay Thomas, we are just going to take it.
Thomas: Mom! I want you to throw it away!

I pretended to throw it away to try and appease him, but quickly pulled a move that I learned from David Copperfield and hid it under my armpit.

Fast forward a couple of days.

Friday, I was getting ready and I decided to give the stuff a try. Thomas walked into the bathroom and saw the bottle on the counter and about bit my head off. How could I have brought that stuff into our home!? I quickly changed the subject and handed him a huge chocolate bar and a new pony. He hasn’t brought up the goods again.

To be honest, I was a little apprehensive to use it. What if it was a plant from some terrorist and when I opened it, ricen powder would come pouring out? Or worse, what if some teenage girl filled it with Nair and upon application all my hair would fall out? I decided to take a chance and give it a try.

Let me tell you how great the stuff is. It really does make my hair feel like silk and I love it! I feel a little rebellious when I use it. It kind of makes me feel like I need to strap on some chaps, jump on a Harley and knock over a bank. I will try to refrain, after all, I do have an image I need to uphold.

If you are reading this and happened to misplace your bottle of CHI, please consider this my apology for taking it. But you know what they say…finders keeper, losers weepers.

Kid Logic

Thomas wanted to eat an ice cream sandwich this afternoon. I told him that before he ate one, he was going to have to eat something healthy, so I gave him a bowl of Shredded Wheat. He ate about half of it…

Thomas: Mom, I’m full
Me: Oh, I guess you don’t want an ice cream sandwich.
Thomas: No, I do.
Me; Then you need to eat a couple more nuggets.
Thomas: But, I’m full.
Me: Well if there is no room for more Shredded Wheat in your tummy, then there is no room for an ice cream sandwich.

Long pause

Thomas: But there is room in my hand.

Here is my question: How do you keep a straight face and not give in?

Would this be considered a convertable?

I have to give props to Steve for slowing the car down enough to get these shots. He was willing to sacrifice making "good time" and beating the ETA on the GPS to allow me to take these. He was trying to scare me into not taking them by telling me that they probably had a gun, but I was willing to take my chances.

Twelve Terrific Travel Tips

(Warning: Obscene amounts of family pictures to follow!)

1. Decide that you are going to go on a trip at least a few days in advance. Talking about “maybe” going does not count. However, spontaneous trip preparation can happen. I found that it is possible to decide you are going to Utah, clean and vacuum the car out, do 2 loads of laundry, pack up the whole family, and clean the kitchen (just in case someone breaks in, you want a clean house) within 3 hours.

2. Give your friends who you hope to stay with more than an hour notice. (Sorry Jennings, you know we only did that because we love you, and we know you love us.)

3. Make sure the uncle you are visiting in Ogden lives 2 doors down from a petting zoo to maximize toddler (okay, and adult) enjoyment.

4. Plan on gaining a few pounds from the s’mores being made in the backyard.

5. Put your shoes on and take a walk with your Uncle and Dad.

6. Run around and act happy until you have a rainbows coming out your butt.

7. Make sure the hotel you are staying at has the ever-so-popular kiddy ride , “The Luggage Cart.”

8. Take time to throw down a blanket and relax in the grass. Little boys can have fun searching for caterpillars and you can have a nice time lounging with the baby while the clouds roll by.

9. Make sure you pack the proper hair product for every weather condition.

10. Plan on gaining another pound or so at the Pizza Factory. If you happen to come across an arcade, stop and visit. Little boys love it and parents will get nostalgic over a quick game of skee-ball.

11. You will need more than 30 minutes at Temple Square to get some family pictures. Actually, we found that you end up not taking an entire family photo when the baby is in the stroller and you are trying to keep your son from drinking the fountain water. However, you can get good shots of one or two of you at a time, just plan on learning how to use photo-shop.

***Bonus Tip: Give the three-year old enough notice when it is time to go. This will help you avoid meltdowns that make the mom look awful.

12. Break up the drive with frequent stops to see the sights, have a laugh and eat ice cream.

My Morning Coffee

Here is the scene:
It’s 8:00 am, a nice cloudy day. I’m laying in my bed, totally out of it.

Thomas: (yelling from his room) MOM! MOM!

I'm trying to come to, you know the feeling…Oh crap, he’s awake. He was supposed to sleep in…I mean I love waking up to the sound of him yelling in the morning.

Thomas: MOM! Hurry!

I run down the hallway, I guess it was more of a stumble. My eyes are slit open and I am hoping I don’t trip and fall over the banister. I open the door…

Me: What‘s wrong?
Thomas: Mom, my tummy and back hurts!

I go over to the bedside to lovingly caress his tummy

Me: Oh, I’m sorry you don’t feel well.
Thomas: Mom, it hurts because there is a baby in my tummy.

I have a call into one of the producers from Oprah. I am assuming they are going to book us sometime in the fall after the morning sickness passes. I‘ll keep you posted.

C is for Cookies

Last night I made chocolate chip cookies to take to a ward BBQ. I saved about a dozen for us because I knew I was going to need breakfast this morning, and Steve was on a quick business trip yesterday so I wanted to have a treat for him when he got home late last night.

We got home from the BBQ and Thomas went into the kitchen to grab a cookie. I didn't think anything of it and let him enjoy it. While he was eating it he told me he was going to eat them all up and put them all in his stomach. I said, "really" with a hint of sarcasm and went about my business getting baths ready. I came back into the kitchen to find him standing on the chair next to the cooling rack doing exactly what he said. You would think I would have learned by now to take this kid seriously.

Just so you know, I didn't let him eat them all. I'm not that stupid!

Here is the recipe. I have tried many different chocolate chip cookie recipes over the years, but this one is our favorite. They are simply known at our house as The Shirley Harris Cookies. If you know her, you know they will be good.

Shirley Harris Cookies

1 cup butter

1 cup shortening (ouch!)

1 1/2 cups sugar

1 1/2 cups packed brown sugar

2 eggs

2 tsp vanilla

4 1/2 cups flour

1 1/2 tsp soda

1 1/2 tsp salt

12 oz package of chocolate chips, even better if you accidentally add a half a package more.

Cream butter, shortening and sugars. Add eggs and vanilla and beat until light and fluffy. Mix in the remaining ingredients. Drop by spoonfuls on an ungreased cookie sheet. Bake at 375 degrees for 8-10 minutes. Cool slightly before removing from cookie sheet.

Obituary

World-renowned Cucumber Plant, Cucumis Sativus, died Tuesday in The Planter. The gardener is still unsure of what exactly caused the death, but believes it was due to complications after Mr. Sativus grew too fast and suffered pains in his vine. She also thinks it was due to the extremely high temperature that May afternoon. He was 2 months old.

Cucumis Sativus was a green thing, who enjoyed everything about life in the backyard. He was often mistaken for a vegetable, but truly, he was a fruit. He had a very pleasing personality and never did get upset when people would classify him in the wrong food group. He was known for his thirst for water and Miracle Grow, which he often ate and may have even lead to his demise.

Cucumis Sativus is survived by his partner Tomato Plant, and their 1 child, the soon to be pickle.

In leu of flowers, the gardener asks that you send good, dark chocolate.

Love Notes

After being married for 8.5 years, love notes have taken on a new form. This is the note that was on the counter this morning. Even better, it was attached to breakfast - the last brownie. To give up the last brownie in this house is a sign of true love!