Just a little question.

If you know me at all, you know I am a very curious person. VERY. Here are a couple of examples of what my curiosity has gotten me in the past. 1. I once had a boyfriend once break up with me because he said I was too nosey (no skin off my back, Steve is way better than he ever was) 2. One year for Christmas, Steve gave me a Gladys Kravitz spy kit he created as a gag gift. It came complete with a sun visor that had binoculars built into it, and a pair of “spy ears." Believe it or not, they really worked. You could hear conversations going on in the next room. (Oh, how I love him, he knows me so well.) Aside from my restaurant-style waffle iron, the spy kit was one of my favorite gifts he has ever given me. So, I totally own up to the fact that I am a very “INTERESTED” person (puts a nicer spin on things, don't ya think).

Here is what has been keeping me up at night. I know the majority of people who read this blog. I have active meter and one of my favorite things to do is scope out who has been reading. I am thrilled when I attract a new reader. Even better, I feel as though I just got invited to sit at your table in the lunchroom when I see that you return to read again. If you have Google Reader, I am none the wiser if you have visited or not, but I would love to know.

So here it is people - Who the heck is reading this blog? I swore I would never send this question out into cyber space, but alas, I can not change who I am. I am just too stinking curious. I know I need to mind my own business, Steve says that to me all the time, but I just can't (Do you know how hard it is being married to the EQ president who knows ALL, but is a vault and is really good at keeping things confidential?!) So please, for the love of Pete and all his friends…Who’s out there?

Please know that your comment brings me great joy and I will by jumping up and down in my I-stay-at-home-and-don’t-always-shower-until-30-minutes-before-Steve-gets-home-pants pants. If you don’t comment, I’ll go eat a gallon of Ben and Jerry’s Brownie Batter Ice Cream, and you really don’t want to be responsible for that, do you?

Update: I'm going to add a little incentive. I love blog give-aways, so if you leave a comment I will put your name in a drawing for a pair of britches or bloomers for your child. What a deal, folks! I'll leave the drawing open until Friday night at midnight. (Wow, I feel like a professional blogger!)

Slapped In The Face By Old Age

Tonight I had to run to the nearby Beauty Shop to replenish my hair product. I was on a quick mission, so I walked in, grabbed the stuff I needed and made my way up to the check out counter. The boy working at the check out was your typical glamour boy. You know the type, good clothes, good hair, a rockin’ necklace and better skin than me and all my girlfriends. He looked to be about 18-20.

GB: Did you find everything you needed?
Me: Yes, Thanks

In the meantime, the song changes on the radio to “I Wear My Sunglasses at Night” by Corry Heart.

Both of us at the same time: Oh, I love this song (I wish I would have said, “jinx, you owe me a coke”)
Me: Oh, you like the old school music.
GB: Yes, I love this kind of music. My dad introduced me to all of it.
Me: oh, really…
GB: Well, here you go. Have a good night.
Me: Thanks, you too.

Did I hear that right? “My Dad introduced me to all that music?!” WHAT? I remember when that song came out. That means that his Dad is probably close to my age!

As I walked out of the store, I felt a wrinkle quickly find a permanent resting place on my face.

Open Letter

Dear Friends and Family,

I am writing this letter to inform you that at 9:45 p.m. on the 27th day of June, in the year 2008, the entire house was clean. Every room was clean, all at the same time. Hell froze over for a brief moment, for the cleanliness only lasted a few minutes.

If you stop by my house in the future only to find shoes, diaper bags, briefcases and dirty diapers that need to go out to the dumpster lining the entry, please step over them. If by chance you pop in and find our family room covered in toys, please know that we do have rug in there. It looks great when it has been vacuumed and all the dehydrated mac and cheese has been eradicated from it. Perhaps you are stopping by to use the facilities? They were clean, sorry you missed it. You will feel much better after you wash your hands and forget about the things you may have seen. Sometimes it works best to just block out the memory completely. If you are a really good friend and have had the opportunity to see our upstairs before, please come back over. I would like the chance to redeem myself.

I wish I could have had you all over to experience the euphoria. Maybe next time.


Sincerely,


Amy


a.k.a. The lady who really stunk yesterday because she refused to take a shower until it was all done.

Things I do instead of cleaning the house.

One of my favorite things to do is sew. I have room in the house that I have commandeered as my sewing room much to Steve's dismay. It is usually a disaster. Fabric swatches laying on the floor, thread interwoven into the carpet and pins hap-hazardly thrown about. I have recently joined a couple of sewing blogs and I love to surf around and see what the other ladies are up to. I figured I needed to post a few of my recent projects, too. I am always in the middle of making some sort of dress for Clara, and I also have quite a few aprons I am working on for swaps. I will post those as I finish them.

I love the orange flower dress, but unfortunately it was too big for Clara by the time I finished it. I made it according to the pattern, but for some reason it turned out way too big. I didn't finish hemming it because I figure it will fit her next summer and I can hem it according to her height then.

Clara had the cutest little backside when she wore the hippy pants. I bought a pattern for these britches and bloomers a few months ago and made several outfits for baby showers I was attending, but never got around to making a pair for Clara. I finally made her these and she was only able to wear them 1-2 times before it got too hot. Hopefully it will be cool enough to wear them when we go up North to see Steve's family.

I absolutely fell in love with the blue dot fabric. I found it at my favorite fabric boutique and could strangle myself for not buying more. They are completely sold out now and I want more! This dress is a little big for her, but I made her wear it anyways.

The flowered dress was the inspiration for the blue dress that I made. My friend, Cathy, saw some of my clothes at a baby shower and said that they reminded her of Mini-Boden. She forwarded me a link and I fell in love with this flowered dress. I figured I could find a pattern and make it myself. I did find a pattern that was similar, but I got it home and realized it was a size 4-5-6. Way to big for my baby! I had given up until I found an outfit made by Carters at Costco. It was just a little balloon onsie, but it had the neckline I wanted. I bought the jumper and brought it home. I studied it and figured out how to make the neckline one my own. I then used the pillow-case-dress tutorial to make the body of the dress. I think it turned out great for not having a pattern. I picked the fabric because I love Amy Bulter's line and I fell in love with the blues in this dress.

This was my most recent baby shower bundle. I made it for my friend Jamie (sorry, she's private) and her little baby boy who will be born pretty soon. The "Giddy-Up" thing on the bottom was a burpie. I think everything turned out really cute.

I am going to be opening a store on Etsy to sell the baby bundles. I will also be selling everything as individual items, too. I will add a link as soon as I am up and running.

Is the grass really greener?

Like every mother, I had dreams of my child being potty trained. I saw images of him running around in little underoos with one butt-cheek hanging out the side. I also saw myself telling all the other moms at playgroup how easy it was to train him and that I was willing to give free advice on the issue. I was mentally spending the $40.00 we would squander on a case of diapers each time we purchased them at Costco. Then, reality would strike. I would find myself purchasing yet another case of diapers while swearing under my breath.

I was very liberal with the whole toilet issue. I didn’t push it, I made it seem like I couldn’t care less if he used the toilet or a diaper. I guess I was trying reverse psychology. I let him have his little toilet in the family room and in his room, just in case the mood struck him and he needed a quick outlet. I even let him run around buck naked while we were home alone. I took the potty training road that many mothers would turn up their noses at. Nobody should be asking me advice on potty training, and as a result of the no-pants policy, I am not ashamed to admit that I may now be raising a nudist.

Well, after approximately 1,545 diapers, many of which I will never be the same after changing, and subsequent to many days of pretending not to care, he is finally (trumpets please) potty trained. I can officially call him trained because for the past few days, when he has worn a Pull-Up in public he has kept it dry. I am thrilled!

I think…

I guess I have traded in messy diapers for a messy bathroom. This is our downstairs bathroom. Yes, the one you would use if you came over to visit. Thomas has “marked his territory,” literally and figuratively speaking. For frustrations sake, I have made the picture into a diagram so you can see every detail I now have to deal with.

1. You can’t see it in the picture, but there is blue soap all over the counter top. I purchased the soap so Thomas would think washing his hands is fun. He seems to be having a little too much fun with the soap.

2. The bathroom mirror looks like my minivan’s windshield after a Las Vegas rain.

3. You can’t see it in the picture, but there is blue hand soap all over the toilet seat.

4. If you have boys, I don’t think I need to explain what this number is marking.

5. His step stool is always in the way. No matter where you move it, you can count on tripping over it while you are in there.

6. A comb, just in case he needs to comb his hair while doing his business? Sometimes I just don’t ask.

7. One of Clara’s baby washcloths. I have not picked it up so I am not sure what I will find it was used for.

8. The Pull-Up he wore to bed still inside his pajama pants.

9. Both of our “decorative” towels on the floor. I didn’t know it took two yards of terry cloth to dry off two tiny hands.

I just keep telling myself how much better a dirty bathroom is than dirty diapers. And you can bet your pants that while I clean that bathroom I will be planning how I am going to spend the $40.00 we would have spent on diapers!

Have I got a deal for you!

Recently, I started to get up early in the morning to exercise (okay, I 'll be honest, I started yesterday, but hey...2 days down). Prior to this week, I would drag myself out of bed and get on the hamster track when I felt like it. That wasn't working for me, so I decided to actually set an alarm (gasp!). If you know me well, I haven't had an alarm clock next to my bed since the teaching days (hopefully you don't know me that well because that means you have been in my room that looks like a tornado swept through). My kids are my alarm clock now.

Anyways, I digress...

This morning I had my alarm set to go off at 6:00 and at 5:30 I heard the joyous sounds of my 3-year old, wide awake and ready for the day. Steve and I tried in vain to get him back into his bed, but it just wasn't going to happen. I finally gave up and took him downstairs with me. I figured he could watch me do my pilates workout.

I had no idea that he had the talents of a personal trainer. I was laying on the floor doing the "100" and he was right next to me cheering me on. At one point he got right up in my face and told me how great I was doing. My favorite was when he told me...

"Mom, you look just like those ladies on the T.V.!"

What? Did he just say I looked like the skinny ladies in the spandex leotards. The skinny ladies with the 6-packs! He must be mistaken. I have a six pack, but unfortunately it is a six pack of jello-pudding! Oh, how I love him.

So here is the deal, ladies (and men if you are reading). Thomas is now being rented out as a personal trainer. He will stand by your side as you exercise and tell you all the things you want to hear. He will tell you you're beautiful! He will tell you that you can bounce a quarter off you heinie, or that your love handles are just misplaced muscle. He will even make you laugh by attempting to do the exercises with you.

As his personal manager, I have decided that his fee will be $30.00/ half hour. He is available each morning from 7:30-9:30 a.m.. The only stipulation is that you live close by, so he can ride his tricycle to your home.

No Title Needed

My Favorite Breakfast

I hate breakfast. Don't get me wrong, I like to eat. Anyone who knows me knows that for a fact, but there is something about breakfast that works me up into a tizzy. There is just so much pressure to eat it. You hear all "those" people say, "you know, you shouldn't skip breakfast. It is the most important meal of the day!" If it were up to me, I wouldn't eat until 11:00 am or so, but I know that is not good.

Recently, breakfast and I have made friends again. I have been making a concoction of frozen blueberries, homemade granola and Dannon light and fit sugar-free yogurt every morning. I love it. I actually have to run to the store today because I am out of blueberries and I don't like the thought of not having any blueberries in the freezer! I make my own granola because of our little nut boy.

Amy's Granola

9 cups whole oats
1 cup whole wheat flour
1 1/2 cups brown sugar
1/2 cup water
1 1/2 tsp salt
4 tsp vanilla extract- real stuff, not the imitation

In a large bowl combine the oats and the flour. Set aside. In a microwave safe bowl combine the brown sugar and the water and cook on high for 5 minutes, or until the sugar is completely dissolved. After the syrup has cooked, add your salt and vanilla. Pour syrup over oats and flour and mix well. Spread out onto 2 cookie sheets and bake at 275 degrees for about 50 minutes (depending on how crunchy you want it). After it has cooled add dried fruit or anything else you want, store in airtight containers.

** If you want to add almonds or any other nut, add them to the oats before you bake.

How could I NOT take a picture of this?

While walking back to our car last night, I stumbled upon this unfortunate scene. Oh, how I wish I could have heard the conversation that was taking place!

Happy Birthday!

Last night we took ol’ Gramps down to Roxy’s, A fifties Diner in the Stratosphere, to celebrate his birthday. I know what you are thinking, 1. Our Family is way too classy to be hanging out down at the Stratosphere. 2. Wow, they lived to tell about it!

We had a blast at this little burger joint. The food was okay, but the homemade potato chips were incredible. I would have stuffed all the leftovers in the diaper bag, but I restrained myself from doing so.

Here are a few highlights from the evening. Sorry about the red tint to everything. It's just one of the hazards of living in Las Vegas!

No, we don't give Clara dead rats to chew on, it is a pickle and she LOVED it. I think I am going to start carrying a jar in my diaper bag because it kept her entertained for a good 30 minutes.

Highpoint of the evening: The restaurant has singing waiters and a disc jokey to keep the party going. Believe it or not, the singers were actually pretty good. This guy was the DJ, he came over to the table to wish Grandpa Chuck a happy birthday and have everyone sing to him. Then he took it a step further, he put on the old song "The Name Game" for everyone to sing to him. The joke didn't go over as well as he had planned. However, I was secretly giggling to myself because I have a very demented sense of humor and it brought back memories of my friends and I singing that song with names that would eventually make us swear.

All up in your business.

Every Boy Needs A Good Guy

About 6 months ago, Thomas started asking for “A Guy.” I didn’t quite understand what he was meaning, but eventually I figured out he needed a guy to play with when he plays with his cars and trucks.

So, I did what any other mom would do. I used the guy as an excuse to get out of the house. I went to Target and walked up and down the toy isles looking for the perfect guy. Do you know how hard it is to find a normal looking guy these days? I couldn’t find any guys without guns, knives, slime, or some strange contraption that you strap on them to make them look like a bug. I could have picked one of the little tiny ones with above average muscle mass, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. They were just too strange looking. I settled on a guy that came with a motorcycle. He looked semi-normal and seemed like he would serve the purpose I needed him to. Thomas was thrilled and played with him for several weeks, until the cheap thing broke.

A few days later, he was in the garage with Steve and found an old Tonka Ambulance. Steve had purchased years ago, hoping to be able to give it to his son sometime in the future. He pulled it off the shelf and gave it to Thomas. He was THRILLED! Not only was it a great vintage truck, it came with the perfect guy…a lady.

On one of the first few days that we had her, I walked into Thomas' room to get him up for the day. As he was waking up, he asked me where the lady was. I wasn’t even thinking about his new lady-guy. The first thought I had was, “Which one of our dead relatives is visiting my son during the night.” I asked him what she looked like expecting to hear him give a description of my Grandma Helen. He then said that she was the little one with the yellow shirt. Phew! I’m not sure I want my son seeing dead people!

So, yes. My son’s favorite “guy” is an androgynous looking lady who doesn’t own a pair of pants. She is a pretty versatile toy in our house. We know where she is at all times. She has become one of us and we love her, naked heinie and all!

These are some of her daily activities:

We consider her to be Clara's first Barbie Doll. We figure she doesn't know any better. Better yet, she won't grow up thinking she has to have wear a size -4, have fake boobs, or bleach blond hair.

She is really good at driving the other toys around in the motor home. Usually she is hauling around full load of Disney Character figures and the occasional wooden block, paper clip, empty toilet paper roll (a.k.a. telescope), or anything else Thomas may find of interest that day.

Occasionally, she returns to her roots and serves as the patient on those days we play "Emergency."

I'm Nuts About it!

While you are all moaning and complaining about the price of gas, and the way the airlines are fee-ing everything thing like crazy, I am jumping for joy! I just got off the phone with US Air, and all I can say is...I LOVE YOU!

We are going to be making our annual summer voyage to the Pacific Northwest to see Steve's Family. We have been researching prices, figuring out days, and trying to get some kind of schedule pinned down. I got online this morning to look up airline prices once again, just to see if they had gone up. However, when I look up prices, I have to do more than look at the dollar amount. I start searching the site for the fine print. What are their policies accommodating peanut allergies? This morning, I was on the US Air website and this is what I found:

Peanut allergies
US Airways recognizes that some of our passengers are allergic to peanut products. However, due to last-minute aircraft changes and the possibility that other passengers may bring peanuts onboard, we cannot guarantee that no peanut products will be onboard.Because we cannot accommodate "peanut-free" snack requests and the possibility that peanut-related ingredients may be contained in meals, we encourage passengers to bring their own food items onboard the flight.

Underneath that it said, if you have any questions, please call the disability team. I saw the number and decided I had some time, so I would give it a try.

(Last year when I tried to call someone for help, I ended up talking to a guy who couldn't speak English and kept reading the same paragraph posted on the internet when I asked him to explain the policy further. I hate outsourcing!)

I figured I would be put on hold and transferred several times, but I'll do anything for my son's safety and to ease my mind. Would you believe the phone didn't even ring once before I had someone on the line helping me with my questions! I even asked if it was really US Air when she answered the phone because it happened so quickly. I asked if she was on the Disability Team and she even said...YES! What the heck! A live person, who speaks English! It's my lucky day. I asked her my question and she quickly responded:

"WE DON'T SERVE ANYTHING ON BOARD ANYMORE! "

I know, you are probably thinking...how cheap. I'm thinking, I could reach through the phone and kiss you! You have no idea what kind of burden she just lifted. They actually stopped serving peanuts and will only serve pretzels or biscotti on long flights.

This is what it is like to take a flight with a child who has nut allergies.

1. Get an early flight, that way the plane has been recently cleaned.

2. Request early boarding so you can Clorox each seat, the trays, the window. Get down and look for any stray food that may have fallen during the last flight.

3. Cover the seat with a sheet or blanket.

4. Have your Epi-pen, benadryl, nebulizer, and inhaler under your seat. (This is after having to take everything out of the meds bag at security and have them inspect it all by hand instead of x-ray.)

5. Explain to the flight attendants that he is allergic, and that we will not be accepting any snacks.

6. Spend the whole flight watching his every move, making sure he doesn't touch something that hasn't been cleaned.

I will not have to do that on this trip. I am so thrilled. I will still clean the seats and be cautious, but the worry and concern has dropped considerably. I have just seen the silver lining on this whole economic downfall we are in, and it made my day!

Master of the Flirt

Today I babysat a friend's Granddaughter. She was 2 years old and ADORABLE! What was even more interesting, I had the unique privilege of watching my son try and pick up a girl.

10 Flirting Tips By Thomas
All have been used and proven successful.

1. Pretend like you are not happy at all that there is a little girl at your house. Turn your head, refuse to look at her. While nobody is watching, take a couple of glances.

2. While she is sitting in the club chair enjoying a nice sippy-cup of milk, slowly walk over and sit by her. Even if the chair is plenty big for both of you, just sit on the arm of the chair and show her, without being too obvious, your remarkable balancing skills.

3. When you get the feeling that she might be interested in you, get down and get in the chair with her. Ask her if she would like to join you for breakfast and keep her company while your wonderful, talented, mother whips up some Mickey Mouse Pancakes for the two of you. As an added bonus, ask your mother to lay out the towel on the ottoman so the two of you can enjoy a nice romantic breakfast by the light of the TV showing Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.

4. While eating, reach over with your smelly, syrup soaked hands and rub them through her long blond hair while telling her "You sure do have pretty hair."

5. Take your spork and run it through your hair, just like Danny Zuko in Grease.

6. After breakfast, ask her if she would like to see your cars - that's right, I said cars, because real men own more than 1!

7. When there is a pause in the conversation, tell her that she has a really nice shirt.

8. When the right time approaches, ask your mother if she can spend the night. After all, you have known this girl for 2 hours. Tell her that there is plenty of room in your bed and you will even share your pillow! Try not to cry in front of her when your Mother tells you, "I don't think so."

9. After using the potty, come out of the restroom and announce to her that you have just gone pee. If she is really into you, she will reply,"Good Job."

10. Try not to over react when her grandmother comes to pick her up and take her home.

Be sure to look for Thomas' dating book, "It's Never To Early: A Toddler In Love"

Travesty

This, my friends, is the reason why there is no such thing as a Donald Duck Pancake.

A Girl Can Never Be Too Prepared

Sunday Night Sins

I love to bake, so once a week I will indulge and make cookies, or something else for us. I usually do it on Monday nights for FHE, but since I couldn't go to church today (Thomas has Fifths Disease - just a bad rash, nothing serious) I made something this afternoon. Thomas had asked for cupcakes, so I decided I would make banana cupcakes. I could say that mine were kind of healthy, but they were not. This was the first time I made them and they turned out really good. Next time I am going to try making them using the "healthy" ingredients.

Banana Cupcakes
1/2 cup shortening (If you wanted to be really good, use applesauce instead of shortening)
1 1/2 cups sugar (You could even do 1 cup because of the bananas, I will next time)
2 eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 cup mashed ripe bananas
1/4 cup buttermilk
2 cups all-purpose flour (Healthy: use 1 white 1 whole-wheat white flour)
1 teaspoon baking powder
3/4 teaspoon baking soda
1/2 teaspoon salt

Frosting (Healthier: Instead of frosting them, drizzle them with icing)
1/2 cup butter or margarine, softened
2 1/2 cups confectioners' sugar
3 tablespoons milk

1tsp vanilla

Directions:
In a large mixing bowl, cream shortening and sugar. Add the eggs, vanilla, bananas and buttermilk. Combine the flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt; add to banana mixture. Fill 18 paper-lined muffin cups two-thirds full.

Bake at 350 degrees F for 15-20 minutes or until a toothpick comes out clean. Remove to wire racks to cool completely. In a small mixing bowl, cream the butter, sugar and enough milk to achieve desired spreading consistency. Frost cupcakes. I added chocolate jimmies to the top because I was feeling rather sassy.

This is your brain on kids.

I am losing it! What might I mean by “it?’ My brain. The past few weeks, months…okay, since Clara was born, I have been so out of it. I have heard of Pregnancy Brain and Mommy Brain, but when does it start coming back? Yesterday, I Googled Pregnancy Brain and actually read something about your brain shrinking 3-5% while you are pregnant. It takes up to 6 months for it to return to it’s normal size. If that is true, mine should be returning to maximum capacity anytime. I’m still waiting.

The stupidest thing I have done lately.

I left the house without shoes on yesterday! Luckily, I realized it after I walked down the front steps. You would think I would have realized I didn’t have shoes on as I was grabbing my purse and heading out the front door. Nope, didn't think anything of it.

What's next?

Family Photos

Back in January, a friend of Steve's asked us if he could shoot a few pictures of Clara. He is a photographer and needed some shots of a newborn. I was fine with it and asked if he would mind shooting some family pictures as well. He is an amazing photographer! Unfortunately, he had to move 2 weeks after the shoot, so we had to wait on the picts. Yesterday, the FedEx man dropped them at our house and I was so excited to check them out. I sat forever and poured over all 600+ shots. He took some amazing pictures of us, but my favorite ones were the unexpected shots that he got when we didn't realize he was still shooting, or when we were goofing off.

These are just a few of my favorite ones. I wanted to post them for the out-of-town family to see.

Photos by Clint Karlsen

Everyone's a Comedian

Last night, Steve was gone and I was getting Thomas into bed. He had already gotten up a few times using the normal stall tactics, and had been sent back to bed after each one. First it was hunger, then thirst, then monsters. He was finally in bed and I was downstairs nursing Clara.

Thomas (yelling from his room) : Mom, Knock Knock
Me: Thomas, go to bed
Thomas: Mom, Knock Knock
Me: Who’s there?
Thomas: I’ve been working on the railroad.

He doesn’t really get how to deliver the whole joke, only the punch line.

Me: Okay, Thomas, It’s time to go to bed
Thomas: Mom
Me: What?
Thomas: Knock Knock
Me: No more knock knock jokes, go to bed.

Pause

Thomas: Mom
Me: What?
Thomas: Ding Dong

Six Months Old

Our little Clara Jane is 6 months old today!

She can sit up.

She can scoot around the floor pretty darn fast.

She is starting to do more "jibber jabber" now.

She LOVES her big brother and doesn't pay attention to anyone else when he is around.

She likes to blow raspberries.

She is very social and smiles at anyone who will look at her.

She is getting more and more red hair every day and is always telling me to put it in piggies.

She is taking longer naps during the day and not just little cat naps.

She has thighs the size of Texas!

She loves her Daddy.

She is such a great baby and such a wonderful addition to our family.

Who would have ever thought a little girl could be so much fun!

Anticipation...

"Oh, I'm so excited! I finally get to eat "solid" food."

"Okay, I'm not quite sure about this..."

"Do you really expect me to swallow this stuff?"

"There is no way that is happening!"

"I'll just put on my brave face and try to look cute. Maybe next time they will give me bananas."