Just so you know...

-It is not a good idea to store your daughters binkie in your cleavage on a plane when you are sitting next to a perfect stranger who happens to be male.

-Just because your 2-year-old loved the beach and the sand last time you went to the coast doesn't mean she will like it now.

-If our family plans a vacation you can guarantee that someone will be sick. In a matter of a week and a half each member of our family had at least 1 of the following... fever, runny nose, coughs, laryngitis, and pink eye.

-It is possible to be seen by a doctor in a small beach town in 28 minutes. This includes new patient paperwork, chatting with the doctor and faxing a prescription.

-I offered to clean the waiting room toys after my pink-eye infected daughter played with each one.

-If you are trying to bring 6 lbs of Washington Raspberries on a plane you must follow these simple steps.

1. Place berries in 2 9 x13 Tupperware containers.
2. Wrap each one in cellophane. Lots and lots of cellophane.
3. Make sure the Tupperware will not pop open during flight by wrapping each one in strapping tape. A lot of strapping tape.
4. Place the containers in a space bag and seal. There is no need to suck out all the air, just seal. 5. Place containers wrapped in cellophane, taped and space bagged into a shopping bag.
6. Pray that you will be able to get through security without any questions because the airport is SUPER BUSY and they are just trying to get people through security.

-It really really really stinks (language changed to protect innocent eyes that read my blog) to break your camera on vacation.

-10 days isn't long enough, but yet it is. Weird.

-Thomas was on vacation with us too, but decided to spend every waking minute with his grandparents. I feel like I haven't seen him for 10 days.

- For some odd reason I was excited when the man sitting next to me and Clara on the airplane had an American Kennel Club tag on his carry-on and pulled out a judges book. While he was sleeping I had pretend conversations with him about Buck Laughlin and Cookie and Gerry Fleck. Instead, when he woke up we had a nice conversation about poodles.

- All my suitcases are in the entryway waiting to be unpacked. I am avoiding the entry.

...and don't let the door hit ya!

Dear Fish,

You may be wondering right about now where the heck you are. Figure it out. You did this you yourself. You are the one who couldn't keep your bowl clean. You are the one who smelled. You are the one who liked to poop as we walked by.

We found you a new home. I was able to convince some friends that you were a good thing. (typed as I twist my black handlebar mustache). We shall see how long you last.

Good Riddance,

Your former family

I wanna know who said Wheaties is the breakfast cereal of champions.

Because I would have to disagree. Not even respectfully.

When I was growing up we would take our vacations to my Grandma and Grandpa's house in Southern California. It was always so much fun. All my cousins lived there and we would play in Grandma's pool for hours. After we got out of the pool we would either walk down to Donut Man or watch Innerspace using Grandpa's GINORMOUS magnifying glass. Why, you might ask? Because that was the only VHS they had that was entertaining.

Besides the swimming and the awesome movie collection, we could always count on one thing. They had Golden Grahams. My mom never bought sugar cereal - unless it was on sale and she had a coupon she could use at Vons on the double-day. Now, I wouldn't say that Golden Grahams is a sugar SUGAR cereal, but it sure beat Total. Our family would ration that box. It had to last 3 days between 3 kids, and that's only if the cousins didn't spend the night and sleep in the organ room (thats a musical instrument, not a room where they kept a bunch of body parts in jars with formaldehyde). You can bet your pants that we tried to convince any extra kids that Grape Nuts were way better than GG.

As you all know, one of the perks of being an adult is getting to pick the cereal. Double G is always in the house, usually several boxes. That's just how we roll around here. But lately we have seen a trend developing. We are blowing through boxes. We are on our 5th box in 4 weeks. That may not sound fast to other families, but our family is small. Our children are small. Steve and I have cereal maybe twice a week. It's the little people doing all the damage. I am even going to go out on a limb and say it's mainly the female child. She has an addiction.

And it must be eaten a certain way...

Pour cereal in bowl -- Pour milk on cereal -- Let milk soak in until cereal is disgustingly soggy --Hand bowl to child with spoon -- Child will use spoon for a couple bites -- Child resorts to hands. Both of them -- Repeat every 4-5 hours.

Can't say I blame her. I've been there myself.

It's Howdy Doody Time!

Clara has a thing for babies right now. That should come as no surprise to anyone who has a little girl. She is obsessed with them. Real babies. Play babies. Pretend babies. ANYTHING that can be held in her arms becomes a baby. The other afternoon I was watching her play with her baby and I took some shots. I meant to post them, but I have been too stinking busy lately. I figured I would get to it eventually. Then the following happened and I was glad I hadn't posted them yet.

Friday morning I had to go shoot a wedding so I dropped the kids off at Grandma's house. When I came back to pick the kids up Clara was playing with a baby...big surprise. She had her baby laying down on a pillow with a washcloth covering just the torso of the baby to keep it warm. From what I was told, the baby had already been fed and had a poopy diaper that was really stinky. She was in the mothering mode. Of THIS....

these pictures are horrible. I was all shot out and didn't take the time to adjust settings

This is my Dad's old Howdy Doody marionette. You know, because my dad was a ventriloquist - just like he was a spy, leprechaun wrangler and an Olympic skier (he liked to tease me too much and I believed him too much). This is the same doll that my brothers and I always wanted to play with. The same one that we were never allowed to touch or else we would get a knuckle sandwich (not really, but he liked to use that term). The same doll my Mom would defend with her life and not let us play with when Dad wasn't home even though he would never know.

My, how things have changed.

Grandma (meaning - gives into any request as long as they are offspring of her own children she said no to so many times). Happily pulled old Mr. Doody out of the glass cabinet because Clara kept on saying, "baby" and pointing to the odd looking doll. She had such a good time with the baby. She kept kissing it and whispering to it and being the perfect little mother.

She has no idea how lucky she is. She had no idea of how jealous I was.

Happy Remorial Day

No, that is not a typo. Thomas has been calling it Remorial Day all day long. Last night Steve explained to him that we remember soldiers who have fought for out country, and also remember loved ones that have passed on. Somehow his brain rolled remember and Memorial into one happy word. I declare that it will now always be called Remorial Day in our home.

We spent the day over at the cemetery remembering our loved ones. We remembered Steve's brother Chuck who was killed in a bicycle accident when he was 26. We told the kids about Our their cousin, Erin, who only survived 2 days after being born with an unexpected heart defect. Finally we visited my Dad's grave. That was a hard one. It's been almost 7 years, but for some reason it's been hurting a little more lately. I think it is because I really wish he was around to spend time with our kids. My dad also served in the Army (he told me he was a spy, but I found out after he died that being a spy and working in intelligence is not the same thing) so he got a little extra pat on the "back" today.

As we were walking down the path, we came across this penny. In our family we have had a tradition since my Dad passed away. My Dad's cousin gave us a poem the day we buried my Dad. This was the poem:

I found a penny today,

Just laying on the ground.

But it's not just a penny,

This little coin I found.

Found Pennies come from Heaven,

That's what my Grandpa told me.

He said that Angels toss them down.

Oh, how I loved that story.

He said when they misses you,

They just toss a penny down.

Sometimes just to cheer you up,

To make a smile out of your frown.

So don't pass that penny,

when your feeling blue.

It may be a penny from heaven,

That and angel tossed to you.

I looked out the window and what did I see?

Nothing is more fun than an impromptu tailgate party on a beautiful day.

Graduation

Last night we celebrated! Thomas graduated from preschool. It was a great ceremony. Of course it brought tears to my eyes, and I can't confirm or deny that I saw Steve wiping a few drops from his eyes. Thomas has done so well this last year. Mrs. M. was an amazing teacher and we are going to miss seeing her every week.

Nothing like a little dip in the pool.

This afternoon, I was folding laundry (every once and a while it DOES happen) and enjoying my TIVO'd episode of GLEE while the kids were outside playing with the garden hose. Clara came in the house and kept telling me to come. She was repeating the same sentence, and I kept telling her, "just a minute." After all Doogie Houser was singing a duo with Mr. Morrison and it was awesome - I couldn't pause it. Then I figured out two words in her sentence, one was Thomas and the other was Help. She ran over to me, grabbed my finger and said, "Hurry." I had no other choice but to pause. I wasn't too worried because I couldn't hear any screaming, and Clara didn't appear to have any blood on her. I stepped out onto the porch to find this...

I guess it's time to invest in a plastic pool. I don't think there is enough room in there for both kids.

Thomas humored me for a few pictures but then started telling me I needed to hurry because he had put his roly polys in the "pool" and they were getting smashed.

If I were to ever write an advice column...

and someone were to write in and ask me the following question, I am pretty sure I would be able to give some sound counsel.

Dear Amy,

What are your feelings on letting your children sleep in your bed during nap time? Thank you in advance for your advice. I know that you are so knowledgeable when it comes to parenting dilemmas.

Sincerely,
Jane Doe

Dear Jane,

I too have wrestled with that quandary. When I was a wee one I loved to take siestas in my parents bedroom. It was always thrilling to sleep in a HUGE bed with down comforters and tons of pillows. However, now that I am a parent I understand how risky it is to allow your children to sleep in you room - especially unsupervised. You should also realize that you are playing with fire when you allow your children to sleep in your bed just feet away from the master bathroom. You need to understand that the master bathroom is nothing more than a treasure trove of forbidden objects. Speaking from experience, one afternoon I allowed my child to sleep in my bed. This was the same day that I had decided to get rid of all my old makeup and start fresh. I was trying to get myself organized and decided to leave all my new make-up on the counter until I found the perfect cosmetic case. When nap time rolled around all I could think about was getting the children to sleep. I easily gave in when my daughter said, "I seep in mommy's bed." I was not thinking about the make-up I had left within reach. Needless to say, when it was too quiet too soon after leaving her alone I had a feeling that bad things were happening. I was right.

So, to answer your question...No, don't let them sleep in your bed. But, if it the only way to get them to take a nap, by all means let them have at it. We all know that as Moms, 2 hours of quiet time is worth a little lipstick on the old rug.

Yours Truly,

Dear Amy

40

Our computer was lucky enough to get that wonderful virus going around. Not only once, but twice. It's a fun one. Everything gets locked up and a screen comes up saying that you MUST purchase a program that will stop the computer hijackers from getting all your information. I've lived with my husband long enough to know that I don't do anything a computer tells me to, so I ignored the warnings and just waited for my little brother to fix everything. The first time it was annoying, but the second time I was accustomed to not having a computer and rather enjoyed it. It is amazing how much stuff you can accomplish when you aren't checking the computer really quick and then really quick turns into an hour.

Here is one of the main events from the last 2 1/2 weeks...

Steve turned 40!

I was going to throw him a huge party. I planned on renting out the clubhouse, have great food, lots of friends and celebrating big time. Then I remembered who I was married to. Steve is not one for big parties like I am. I figured we should do something he wanted to do since it was his birthday and not mine. I decided I would ask him before I started the planning and he told me he did not want a party. I think I asked him about 5 times, each time I got the same answer.

We didn't even go out that night. Steve wanted to stay home and BBQ steaks and just be together as our little family. This has been the theme with birthdays this year. It's all about simplicity and unconditional love.

Unconditional because....

this little girl has been into picking her nose. We still love her even though it is gross and unladylike.

Happy Birthday, Babe!

We all love you so much!

If you have something to say...

Clara is a talker. I remember when I took her for her 2 year check up. Dr. D asked how many words she was able to say and I just looked at him. Seriously, you want me to count? I had no idea so I just told him...about 50? I know I shortchanged her.

Lately it seems like the words are multiplying faster than hamsters. She is talking in sentences - big sentences. Granted, there are quite a few consonants that are interchangeable, we speak her language and know what she is saying. She is also giving her opinion, which I find entertaining. The other day I had just gotten my haircut. I picked her up from Grandma and we were driving to the store. From the backseat I hear this little voice say, "I like your haircut. Did you get a sucker?" First of all, I was thrilled with the compliment from one of my favorite people. Second, I was tickled that she thought I would be crying during my haircut and need a sucker to calm down.

This afternoon she came to me clutching her hand-me-down Cinderella dress and garage sale fairy wings. She said, "Will you put my wings on so I can fly." It sounded like, "'ill you put my ings on toe I can pie" I stripped her down to her diaper and helped her dress herself in her "priddy kirt." I strapped her wings on her and watcher her take off with her hands high above her head while making the best swishing sound she was capable of.

Earth Day, 2010

Yesterday was Earth Day. I didn't realize that it was a real holiday, I always thought it was just some kind of Valentines Day for Environmentalists. Don't get me wrong...I am all about saving our planet and not wasting. I was just surprised when someone said "Happy Earth Day" to me. I think my first memory of Earth Day was when I was in college. I remember walking from one building to the next and passing the courtyard. There were tons of booths set up and about 1,000 elementary school kids running around campus, visiting the random activities sororities and fraternities had created for them.

As much as I wanted to go visit my old university and see if the tradition was still going strong after 15 years (ouch), we played in an unexpected spring rainstorm that blasted through the desert.

We have been blessed with quite a bit of rain these past few months. It has been fun for the kids to stomp in puddles and actually have to change their clothes in the middle of the afternoon because they got too wet as opposed to too dusty.

Umbrellas have suddenly become priceless toys that create a magic shield around the person lucky enough to possess it. The problem is, we only have 1 umbrella and 2 kids. This is not a good ratio.

Luckily, I have 2 kids with 2 very different personalities. Thomas can entertain himself for a long time with one thing. Clara, on the other hand, has been blessed with my ability to become distracted by something else and move on.

So, Happy Belated Earth Day!!! I hope you were able to get out and play in the rain, sun or snow and enjoy this beautiful earth that was given to us by a loving Heavenly Father.

My kids love Grandma's house.

She let's them do whatever they want.

Get it straight, Mom!

I was sitting on the floor in my sewing room this afternoon. I had the TV on. I had been watching a bunch of army men doing yoga - I don't know why. When that ended an infomercial for the Brazilian Butt Lift came on. I was watching it and Thomas was standing by my side watching me watch it. I braced myself and then asked him...

Me: Do I need to order that?

Thomas: No (he said it with a smile on his face. I am not sure if his smile meant..."Oh, please why would you even ask such a ridiculous question." or "Oh crud! How am I going to get through this without hurting her feelings?")

Me: Really, are you sure?

Thomas: No, you don't need it.

Me: Don't you think it would help my bum?

Thomas: Mom - you're not a model - your a mom.

Do you think I should take that as a compliment or an insult?

...They long to be, Close to you...

Proof that it is completely impossible for a mother to take a nap while her children are awake.

***

In my defense: I was only trying to take a nap because I was doped up on allergy meds. I guess this way I know she isn't getting into any trouble. And to answer your question, I have no idea why she is playing with a wrench or where she found it.

p.s. I am so proud of Thomas. He was able to take this picture without any help - it always pays to have a point-and-shoot within reach of a 5 year old.